


chasing something new

by dragonair



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Moving In Together, Panic Attacks, no beta we die like Glenn, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 02:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22488877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonair/pseuds/dragonair
Summary: Marianne prefers quieter evenings.Hilda knew this before she’d moved in with her, of course; but it was something that buzzed in the back of Marianne’s mind since they’d made their relationship official. Would Hilda… stop liking her, once she knew just how reclusive of a life she preferred to live?
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	chasing something new

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello! i'm gonna try my best to write and post something every month of 2020, just to get back into the habit of writing! lately i've been super into fire emblem, so please enjoy!!

Marianne prefers quieter evenings. 

Hilda knew this before she’d moved in with her, of course; but it was something that buzzed in the back of Marianne’s mind since they’d made their relationship official. Would Hilda… stop liking her, once she knew just how reclusive of a life she preferred to live? 

Getting into a relationship with Hilda was… unexpected. It wasn’t to say that Marianne didn’t _love_ her, in fact Hilda was the single person Marianne cherished the most. But… the buzzing. In the back of Marianne’s mind, at the forefront: it really made no difference, it felt all the same. She would liken the sound to a bee, or a hornet, but even they would not be so cruel and relentless. 

The… beast’s buzzing, in the back of her head, shakes Marianne to her core. It’s louder than any room full of people, any judgmental gaze. She refuses to admit which scares her more, what it would mean if the beast within her swallowed her whole.

After all, there has to be something wrong with Marianne if all she wants to do is stay in her room, night after night. All she does is avoid people. It’s just easier if she doesn’t get in their way.

And for someone… someone like Hilda, who Marianne inconveniences with every breath, to take an interest in Marianne, let alone _love_ her… it shouldn’t be possible. 

_I don’t deserve this..._

A rustling in the kitchen. Hilda must be preparing some tea, after working up a sweat with the move earlier. Marianne had watched as Hilda carried all of her boxes up into their newly shared apartment. Hilda had insisted, which seemed so unlike her Marianne hadn’t known what to say.

_I can’t offer her anything. After all, she’s changing herself for me, just because I’m so feeble..._

“Mari _anne_ ,” Hilda singsongs from the kitchen. It sounds muffled, partially obscured by the beast’s buzzing, but Marianne can discern that it’s in a tone of voice that usually expects a response. She can’t bring herself to think about that right now, however.

_Hilda… she’ll grow tired of me eventually. Like everyone else does. And then I’ll be all alone. Truly, completely alone…_

Marianne isn’t quite sure what happens next. The buzzing is so loud… And everything feels so distant… 

“-ianne! Marianne!”

She wakes with a jolt. Marianne’s senses fade back into reality, haziness over her vision making it difficult to assess what is truly before her. In her hands, though, is one of Hilda’s own. On Marianne’s cheek is Hilda’s other hand, stroking slowly and steadily with the soft pad of her thumb.

The buzzing, at least, has subsided into a dull hum. 

“You’re okay,” Hilda says, voice lowered. Marianne’s heart skips a beat at the intimacy of it. “I’m so relieved.”

Marianne swallows, throat dry as Hilda’s face starts to come fully into vision. Her hair is in a high ponytail, the same way she used to style it when they were kids. Marianne finds herself smiling in spite of it all, tugging a lock of Hilda’s smooth pink hair between two of her fingers. Hilda is comfortable and familiar and _beautiful_ in ways that Marianne never deserved to feel under her fingers like this.

“Tell me what just happened, Marianne,” Hilda whispers, still stroking Marianne’s cheek. “One second, you were sitting here! You looked so comfy, I was getting some tea to come join you! But the next thing I knew, I heard a scream. You were passed out.” 

Marianne flinches, recoiling. Hilda follows her. “I… I screamed?”

“You did,” Hilda affirms, eyes never leaving Marianne’s. “Was that a panic attack?” 

Marianne’s eyes dart away. The buzzing, from the depths of her mind, picks up again. “It… was.”

_Of_ course _she would pick up on it. Now that she knows I’m weak… it’s only a matter of time before she leaves, to protect herself--_

Hilda shifts suddenly, squeezing Marianne into a tight embrace. The buzzing diminuendos into a hum once more, and Marianne allows herself to bury her face into Hilda’s shoulder as tears start to trickle down her cheeks.

“Is this… too much?” Hilda says, rubbing soothing circles between Marianne’s shoulder blades. The kindness, the love she feels… there is a part of Marianne that thinks it it's so much. Too much. More than she deserves. 

And yet… there’s a part of Marianne that knows. If she’d lived a more peaceful childhood, learned the right lessons… if she’d been told from the beginning that she’s allowed to take as much as she needs because she’s _worth it…_

“Moving here, I mean,” Hilda continues, because Marianne hasn’t responded yet. Her eyes haven’t left Marianne’s yet, she’s looking at Marianne like she’s afraid she might break. And in truth, she might be right to worry. “Is this too overwhelming? If you think we’re going too fast, I don’t mind. It’s… not too late to go back, Marianne.” 

_How can I tell you,_ Marianne pleads. She wishes she could say it aloud. _That I’d like nothing more than to rebuild myself completely._

_A fresh start… another chance to become someone I’m actually proud of. When I get there… the person I’d most like to see myself in my completely reimagined form… is you._

_It’s always been you._

When Marianne pulls Hilda into a kiss, Hilda doesn’t fight it, although Marianne had almost expected her to. And even though it’s far from their first kiss… the sensation of Hilda’s lips, soft and sweet and pliant against her own, lights a fire in Marianne’s heart as it had the first time. 

Hilda is, as always, so generous, so giving… she lets Marianne take all she wants from her. One day, Marianne wants to give just as much back.

When they part, Marianne staring bewildered into Hilda’s eyes, Hilda’s brow still wrinkled with concern, that fire in Marianne’s gut remains. It’s the determination of starting a journey anew, a sense of drive Marianne has never previously known. 

There is a beast in her heart. It buzzes, it roars. She knows this, and yet, she persists.

“If you still have that tea… there’s something I’d like to talk with you about. Something I haven’t told anyone else.”

Hilda smiles, and relief courses through Marianne in a tidal wave. “There’s nothing else I’d rather do.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> my twitter is now [here.](https://twitter.com/ciaudeleth)


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